Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Going back to work after having a baby.

Going back to work for me was a really tough decision. I didn't have a job when I was pregnant so I had to find my way into the career I studied hard at university for, whilst juggling a family. For me I didn't have a 'time is up, go back to work' situation because during my maternity I was hunting for a job.

I knew it was going to be difficult. Although I longed to go back into a workplace, I dreaded the idea of leaving my little boy.

The first big step came when I was offered one day at my partners work. It gave me that step-in that I needed, whilst letting me ease myself into a world away from Rupert.

Finding childcare was difficult. Looking at a long list of childminders and nurseries and trying to decide which one is best for us both. Then who do I leave him with, how can I trust them when I don't even know them. But it's a long process of finding the right person, having meetings and settling in days, getting him used to the idea that I won't always be there.

The first day was rough. Rupert cried when I left him, I cried as I walked away. Knowing it was going to be good for us both, but feeling completely heartbroken.

Financially, going back to work I wasn't earning any more. If anything it was putting us in a worse position. Weighing up the pros and cons was a huge part of the it.


Being me again
This was probably the thing that outweighed everything. I was so excited to take time away from being 'Mom'. I longed for days when I could talk to other adults about what's on TV, drink a hot drink in peace and contribute to something and feel useful.

This, I guess, is a part of being me again but I really looked forward to being able to socialise with adults.

Childcare costs was a huge con but once we had found the right person to look after our little boy, everything was made a lot easier. He is able to go on lovely days out, play with new toys and interact with other children his age. He has come a long so much with his social skills since going to the childminder.

Making the most of it all
We spend less time together now and although it is a huge con, I find that I make the most out of every situation. I take in more and on our days together I put more effort into making them as good as possible.

They say it makes the heart grow fonder and It is so true. On the days when I am alone at home with Ru I feel like I miss out on appreciating little things because I'm tired or worn out from a full day of play.When I go to work and get home to cuddles and bath time, they are more special.


The fear of missing out. I'm petrified that he is going to say his first sentence, explore a new place and  have more 'firsts' without me. I want to be there for everything and I feel like I'm failing as a parent by not being there. The worst feeling is picking him up after a day of not being together and he falls asleep in the pram, done for the night. Feeling like I've missed an entire day of being with him, one ill never get back again.

Paying for someone I don't know very well to look after my kid was a hard thing to get my head around and paying for childcare means that I pretty much break even with my wages. So financially I wasn't gaining anything by putting him in childcare. I felt selfish, because I was doing this for me. But as time goes by you realise they benefit to.

Physically draining
Having a full time job, keeping up a household and having to look after a baby too is extremely draining. It takes a while to get used to. Early mornings to get the both of you ready to get to the childminders before going to work, then pick up and the night time routine which turns into late nights.

Establish a routine with a little one is so hard and I've found that on the days Ru is at the minders his routine is thrown and it echos throughout the week. It's not her fault as she has to do what's best for all children and she takes them out. But coming home later than usual means I have to try and keep him awake til bedtime and sometimes bedtime doesn't even happen because of late naps.

Going back to work isn't for everyone and I've been lucky that I have been given opportunities to get into a career that I love. I can combine my love for blogging and working. I honestly think it would have been a thousand times more difficult to go back to work if it was into a job I didn't like.

I realise I'm very fortunate to work for a company too that realise my kid always comes first and supports me with that. I am given flexibility to work alongside my family and not having to try and fit them in. I don't have to feel guilty in the workplace.

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