Sunday, November 3, 2019

How We Plan To Cope With Two Under Two.

The thought of having two under two scares me so much, as well as giving me such huge guilt. We will only have two under two for around two months, but we know that having a newborn with a two year old is going to be really hard.



The biggest thing for me in our preperation for having two under two, is trying to make sure that we have Rupert in a safe space where he knows that we love him and that having a new baby is a wonderful thing not a replacement.


Remembering that Rupert is still our baby:

Although Ru is getting so big now, he is walking and talking. He is his own independent person but he is still our baby he needs constant love and attention...just as much as our newborn.

And even though we don't want to spoil Ru we know that we will have to put much more time into him. Spoiling him, giving him more mommy-Rupert time and making every moment much more special. Newborns take up so much time and energy and I don't want that to be taken off Ru. I want life to stay as normal as I can.

Involving Rupert:

Our toddler is going to be a huge help for us. He is going to be an amazing big brother and I know that giving lots of roles and responsibilities will make him feel important.

Although he wont be able to do much like making the bottles and getting up during the night we plan on involving him where we can. Things like picking out the baby's outfit, helping me push the pram and bringing toys over.

Always pack enough snacks, toys and entertainment:

I think when you have a newborn it is difficult to give anything else your attention. So I plan on always having snacks, toys and entertainment for both baby and Ru, making sure I can give them both my time. Toys etc will allow one to be occupied whilst I give the other attention. I need to divide my attention equally between both my children. I know there will be a lot of guilt if I give the newborn all my attention and the same if I give Ru all my attention too.

Having time to ourselves:

Just like having a newborn we need time away to recharge our batteries, having two babies means those batteries are going to drain a lot quicker. Having date night, nights away from the kids whilst they have sleepovers at nanny's and solo trips to the supermarket. My personal favourite when Ru was little was when my parent's would come over and looked after Ru downstairs whilst I slept upstairs. It really helped with the separation anxiety but allowed me to relax a little.

I also realise it is important for Ru and the new baby to have time away from us especially when it's with their grandparents etc as it builds great relationships.

Ru loves going to my parents so we plan on arranging time where he can go to them and be spoilt alone with them, so he doesn't feel like he's having to share everything with the new baby all the time.

Days out:

Having lots of days out and trips will allow my very active toddler to use his energy and feel like everything in his world isn't changing.

Going to groups or having days out with friends and family will give me the chance to get out, change up my days and get some extra hands to help.

Never be afraid to ask:

With Ru I was always so scared to ask for help or time to rest. But this time around I'm going to take every chance I get to have the help I will really need. As I've said before it's important for Ru and the new baby to spend time with other members of the family on their own or together. We will organise time in the week where I get an extra pair of hands even if it is to lie down for an hour or just have a shower.

Trying to make the bigger changes now:

By the time the baby needs to go into a cot bed, Ru will be needing a bigger bed and need more independence with his sleeping. We have decided instead of doing this when the baby needs his current bed, we will do it before the baby arrives. This will give him enough time to get used to it, do it as his natural speed and then there isn't another huge change when the baby does arrive.

Enjoying the time we have as just a three:

The baby will be here in March and until then we plan on getting everything organised but taking in all this time as a family of three. Ru loves kissing my bump and although he doesn't know what's going on, it feels good to be involving him. As much as we prepare for the big change, it is going to be hard on the whole family so we are trying to keep things as normal as possible and make the transition slow.



Routine:

We luckily have Ru in a really good routine. He eats amazing, sleeps great and tends to stick to a really good routine. He is also very independent so is happy to sit and have a snack and juice whilst watching TV, happy to play with his toys and books alone. This is really going to help us.

With Ru as a newborn we didn't have a routine, he would sleep in our arms just when he wanted. He didn't sleep out of someone's arms until 8 months old and we realise this isn't going to be how we do things this time around. I'm happy to hold my baby, rock them to sleep and snuggle as much as I can but this wont be fair on anyone in the family. We will try and keep Ru in his great routine whilst trying to introduce as much of one as we can to the baby. We have more knowledge of how things work this time around, well I think we do, and know how important establishing a routine is. Having both babies in a routine is going to make life so much easier for everyone.

Realising that it's not going to be easy:

I had a rough time with Ru as a newborn, I didn't understand the hardships of breastfeeding, the exhaustion and what the loneliness would do to me. This time around I know it's going to be hard so I don't have the high expectations. I know things get better and every day is a new slate. I know how I can deal with things. No matter what happens, I'm going to be happy because my world will be so whole.

Getting out more:

I hated going out with my newborn. Hated it. The planning that went into it and actually leaving the house used to consume me, but when I got into a routine of going for a morning walk I found my whole attitude and day would change for the better. We have a baby carrier this time which will allow Ru to stay in the comfort of his pram like he is used to, or walk holding my hand, whilst the baby is safe and next to me. Both in sight.

Being okay with change:

Knowing that things will change forever, knowing that our family dynamic will change and excepting that things will be difficult. I want to make sure that there is no pressure on anyone to feel like things have to get back to normal so fast. Being okay if things like routine don't happen straight away and having no pressure on myself in the ways of breastfeeding or sleeping.
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