Friday, January 24, 2020

My Plans on Approaching Parenting Differently with Baby Number Two

No regrets, I have no regrets with how I brought up Rupert. He is a happy, beautiful and independent young man who I love with all my heart. But parenting two is going to be a huge switch up to parenting one. There are things I plan to do differently and things I plan to cut out all together. 



Being a mom to two under two is going to be really difficult, I know. But this time round things are different. Last time I was in a house with my partner: This time I am living in a box room alone at my parents house. I now not only have double the kids to take care of but double the parental responsibility.

Co-Sleeping:

I bet in a few months I will write a blog about how I ended up co-sleeping with two children because we didn't plan on doing it with Rupert but nearly two years on he is still with me. But I know that my 'go with the flow' attitude isn't just going to happen with two because when one needs to the sleep the other may need to be entertained. I enjoyed co-sleeping with Rupert but if anything it gave me less sleep and less time. Co-sleeping meant that I never fully went off into a deep sleep because I was worried about the little life next to me, equally having to lie with him for sometimes hours on end whilst he dozed off meant that jobs I needed to do often didn't get done.

So yes, It almost sounds selfish but I know in the long run it will be better for both of my children if they can sleep on their own and not need to be cuddled into a sleep.

Cuddles:

One thing I won't change about having this baby is how much I cuddle and hold my babies. The past two years of Rupert, I have been told countlessly that I held him too much and cuddled him too much: he became too attached to me. I don't care. I guess there are worse things I could be told off for but I never really understood why people hated me cuddling my child so much. This time I will do the same: snuggle them up every chance I get.

Visitors:

Maybe because this is my second baby and I've come to realise who actually cares about me and my children beyond that initial cuddle and instagram snap. But when it comes to visitors I plan to only have people who have supported me since my pregnancy with Ru and on my own terms. The day after having Rupert my house was full, full to the brim with people who hadn't asked if they could come over, didn't want to know how my recovery was going and made me feel rushed and uneasy. I was really struggling with simple things like sitting because of my stitches, I was struggling with latching and breastfeeding and to top it off we were in the middle of a heatwave.

I was too embarrassed to tell people to go away and too shy to breastfeed around people so I would climb the stairs and get into bed with my one day old and try to feed him alone. I could barely walk and he was cluster feeding so you can only imagine how difficult this situation was. I just wanted peace.

So I will take a veery strict stance on things this time around, just close family and friends and ask beforehand.

Pressure:

There is so much pressure from every angle when you have a baby. You must breastfeed, you shouldn't hold him too much, you need to rest, you need to go to baby groups, you need to get out of the house. I know a lot of these are very important but I crushed myself with pressure last time and to this day I have huge regrets about things I couldn't do. They often make me feel like a bad mom even though I know I am not. I felt huge amounts of pressure from people around me such as midwives and family members but I put a lot on myself and ultimately let peoples opinions shadow my own.

Breastfeeding:

This was and still is the thing I beat myself up over every single day. It was so much harder than I thought, when it didn't work and Ru and I ended up in hospital for three days: I hated myself. I had done this to him and even though I had no idea what I was doing, I felt so much guilt about it.

This time around I have planned every possibility, every outcome and have thought about my options. If it works great, if it doesn't then fine.


Baby Groups:

URG! I hate baby groups. Full of judgy moms, kids who don't know how to share and having to dress yourself up just to look like you have things handled. I understand these can be great and important for babies development but the idea of them fills me with so much anxiety I could cry. I beat myself up so much about not going to them and honestly I don't know why. Ru always wanted to just play with me, I was too scared to talk to the other moms who only spoke to my mom as they assumed she was Ru's parent and then I would go home and cry. It wasn't beneficial for either of us.

If I feel comfortable enough to go then maybe, but why should I put myself through all of this just because 'It's what moms do'.

Finally, I will always put my kids first. I always have and I always will. People have often tried to make me feel bad about the fact I don't go out and party or call me boring because I don't leave them with a sitter every weekend. My kids come first and always will.
Share:

1 comment

  1. I slept with my parents longer than I care to admit and I really wish I hadn't because now I'm scared to sleep in the dark haha x

    Maiya | maiyabellexo.co.uk

    ReplyDelete

Blog Design Created by pipdig