Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Pregnant, Single and Living with My Parents.

I never thought is have to write a blog post about being a single parent because I never thought this would happen to me. Over the past three weeks I've really been in two minds over writing this post. On the one hand writing this meant it was really happening and on the other I couldn't hide this new part of my life. I wanted to cut the cord rather than having to keep explaining myself.



I don't want to bash my ex. It wasn't a decision I know he wanted to make but ultimately he did. This is my life now and as much as I am trying to, I'm finding it extremely hard to cope with.

I wanted to write this once the dust had settled or hoped If i put it off things would work out and i wouldn't have to write it at all. I want nothing more than a stable life for my children and a loving relationship for myself: which I am now having to provide on my own.

A few days before Christmas my partner and Rupert's dad decided to end out relationship. We had had a rocky few months since we decided to move put of our home and into his parents house. It was bad timing as I found myself with nowhere to live, nowhere for my child, seven months pregnant and having to force a smile on my face as Christmas was just three nights away.

My parents have been amazing, my baby boy and I are now living in their spare room whilst we try to find somewhere to live.

So no money, no home and a baby just two months away.

It's been really hard to say the least. Trying to get over a relationship that you never wanted to end whilst having to keep that person in your life because you have a child together. I guess I never gave single parents the credit they were due because this is God damn hard.

I found the first two weeks difficult as I couldn't even look at Rupert without crying. How was I suppose to create a proper life for him when I had nothing to give him, not even his own bed. Having to deal with the crying at hand over and drop off, the guilt when he asked for daddy. Knowing I can only give him half of what he needs and my half didn't really provide much.

I am trying my best but constantly feeling like that just isn't good enough.

My ex is trying to be an active part of his children's lives which i am happy about but makes the situation plenty harder to deal with.

This blog is probably as whole big jumble of my thoughts and my reality. I don't know where to start, what to say and what not to say. I guess when you never pictured a life you now have to lead, it's more difficult to process.

With the end of a relationship and my family life taking a whole new spin I'm trying to focus on the important things like giving Rupert a normal life. Having a safe and happy space for the arrival of my new baby and putting some much needed time into myself.

This time of year I would normally write a blog about my goals or aspirations, which no longer feels appropriate. I guess I just want to enjoy this year as much as I can with as little damage to myself going forward.

I am so lucky in the fact I have supportive parents who have opened up their home to me, helped me look after not only Ru but myself. I know that not only is my situation not the best to be bringing a child into, I have no choice and I aim to be the strongest mother I can be.

Living with my parents although amazing has been a struggle. I guess going back to live with your parents after moving out can be tough for anyone but I am finding being a parent difficult with other people around. Opinions clashing and parenting styles colliding. All my plans for coping with two under two have gone out the window as I now plan on coping with two on my own rather than as a duo. The night feeds and the cries, the hunt for my attention and finding a way of being the active toddler mom whilst being tired and stuck under a newborn will be a challenge.

I've found it hard to cope with my pregnancy not only as I have to cope with an enthusiastic toddler but the physical damages a break up can cause. Not being able to eat or keep food down, the stomach clenches from crying too much and the constant exhaustion and headaches from dehydration and lack of sleep. I feel like my whole body is failing whilst trying to keep the life inside of me healthy and happy. The strength it takes me not to cry when the midwife asks where my partner is or how I plan to have him involved in the labour.

This pregnancy has been horrific in terms of the love and happiness I've received from others compared to my first.

Trying to stay strong when you feel like you just want to curl up and die. It's hard.

Calling myself a single mom still doesn't sound right. I know I can do it and I know I have no choice. So here is to the new chapter, where I feel the book has been flipped upside down and burnt.

So here is the blog, the ripping off of the plaster. So here begins 2020, the year I learn to become a single parent to two boys.

I can do this.

I hope.
Share:

7 comments

  1. Oh Leah, this does absolutely suck but you can do this! It sounds like you have a good support system around you and I’m sure you’ll find your way.

    I hope posting this helps you to move forwards and don’t forget to celebrate the small wins as you go!

    Sending you all the positive wishes and love during this trying time! x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Leah I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. But if anyone can, you can do this. You're strong and brave and a wonderful Mother.

    Sending love x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my goodness, Leah. I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. It must be really difficult, especially with another bubs coming so soon. But you can do this! Your boys are so lucky to have an amazing mummy like you. You’ve got this ����

    ReplyDelete
  4. You listen to me girly, you have got this, the mother I KNOW YOU ARE is far from what you see yourself as being. Be kinder to yourself because you are bloody resilient. This is gonna hurt, but trust me when I say it gets easier and life will be wonderful ❤️

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Leah, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must be so difficult but you're so strong and you can do this! x

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have spent a lot of the time in different blogs but this is really a unique blog for me.
    Reverse Infertility

    ReplyDelete
  7. I’m going to read this. I’ll be sure to come back. thanks for sharing. and also This article gives the light in which we can observe the reality. this is very nice one and gives indepth information. thanks for this nice article... senior care in Farmington Hills MI

    ReplyDelete

Blog Design Created by pipdig